It’s been one week since I posted this confession, and almost 4 weeks since I stopped biting my nails. I’ve been keeping a daily log of what my feelings have been throughout, as well as noting any nail upkeep I’ve been doing. Here are some excerpts from my log:
Day Two: My nails ended up near my mouth once today, but the moment they touched a tooth I became conscious of it and drew them away. No other temptation to bite all day. I am getting gleeful about not having marred them yet.
Day Three: My nails came near my mouth a few more times today, maybe on 3 or 4 occasions. I think the slightly gritty texture of this polish helps — it’s easier to realize when my nails are against my lips. But, still no biting.
I still love seeing my nails flash. The sparkle on my fingers still surprises me. Today I felt really happy inside looking at my hands wrapped around a thermos — I felt so glamorous.
Day Six: Around mid-day, I noticed that the middle nail on my left hand had developed a rough edge. THIS is what I was most worried about. Feeling rough edges on my fingernails is what most pushes me to nibble at them, to try and smooth them out, and I’m not confident in my ability to file it away without ruining my manicure.
Day Seven: Nothing to report. My nails feel fine. I’ve been using The Body Shop Wild Rose Targeted Hand Oil on my cuticles to try and reduce rough cuticle edges.
Day Thirteen: I’ve sort of stopped noticing my nails. They exist, and I still love the color of OPI Shine For Me on them, but I’ve stopped admiring my nails when I wash my face or getting lost in the depth of my thumbnails while taking notes in class.
Day Fifteen: During a meeting this morning I didn’t pay any attention to my nails, but after getting home… I sat reading online articles for a couple hours, and several times my nails found their way to my mouth. I think I may have even bitten at a nail edge. These are the most dangerous moments — when I’m not even paying attention, I’m distracted and subconsciously stressed out by something.
Day Sixteen: Now that my nails are extending past the skin and have edges, I’ve started to pick at them. I really need to take a proper sit-down and shape them with a file so the edges are straight again. I’m actually sort of counting down the days until it would be acceptable for me to have a second manicure, since I don’t really trust myself to shape them properly.